AUSTRALIA TRIED TO KILL ME - CAIRNS, AUSTRALIA - DAY 4

We “sleep in” by waking up at 6AM, and then get out of bed around 8AM. Rachel and I find a good, cheap, place for brekkie where the locals go. It’s hot, humid, sunny and also raining for the whole time we eat. We take this time to research, and decide we want to safari through the rainforest today since it was all ocean yesterday.

We ask Ashley and George if they want to tag along, but they decided on a Spa day doing boyfriend / girlfriend stuff. We research tours at reception only to realize it’s A LOT cheaper to rent a car. Here we go!

We take a stick shift shit box for $45AUD for the next 24hrs, and rent from two guys out of a trailer. Thankfully, Rachel can drive stick, the only challenge is driving on the opposite side. We venture out. I’m her co-pilot guiding her for distance and parking on my side, while handling directions. She’s kicking ass, and we’re good as long as the car doesn’t die on us. It’s VERY old, and rickety haha!

We drive all the way up the mountain to see Kuranda. We park and hop out to be greeted by a magnificent view of the side of a mountain. We trek through the rainforest, and come to a magnificent waterfall of epic size, Barron Falls. We keep walking, and learn through guided signs that there are natural leaved nests in the trees, often housing snakes trying to get warm. At some point we look up, only to discover they are all around us and above us.

Montage:

Eyes wide toward the sky, CUT to us rushing out of the forest and to the car. We leave quickly to the next hiking destination. WIPE LEFT to us in the next forest. We walk for 2miles round trip, but the destination of where we were heading was too far, and turn back halfway. We see spiders all along the floor, and it begins to rain. We take cover under our rain ponchos, and watch the ground for where we step, and notice more snake nests above us. CUT to us rushing out of this forest and to the car.

WIPE LEFT to us in the car, and this time, we hear screeching. We panic briefly, but quickly realize it’s nothing serious- It’s just the humidity making the brakes sound this way. We stop over at a tourist point to gorge on cheap, but delicious home made pies. I underestimate how filling these would be, and eat a lamb and rosemary meat pie, and then a veggie pie. *(The lamb rosemary was the best meat pie I've ever had).

Stuffed, we take the car and head back down the mountain. Rachel’s driving is excellent, but not for the locals. There’s a line of cars behind us wherever we drive. We stop at a lookout point to the whole city of Cairns. It’s beautiful- The ocean is every shade of blue and the sun is peaking out all through the clouds, shining down at various points of the city and rainforest.

We make it to our (pun intended) final destination, the beach. It’s cloudy, but the water is warm, and the strand looks like paradise, or at least I imagine this is especially true when it’s not off season. I suspect there are sharks in the ocean because the water is so warm, I don’t see any warning signs, but sometimes there aren’t! We walk all the way to this one point where the ocean meets a river- An estuary oasis. We see a local Mom and four kids at the end of the point. We'd been walking and hiking all day, so I take my boots off to dip my feet in the water.

*(Read this next bit out loud). I go in up to my toes until I hear the mom scream, “GIT OUT! GIT OUT OF THE WATAH!! THEYS CROCODIALES EN THEY!!” I have NEVER moved so fast in my life, and I am not the same after it.

Again, no signs, and of course, everything in Australia tries to kill you. The mom said I scared her, but really, Rachel and I were shaken. I thanked her for saving my life, and apologized for being a stupid tourist. On edge, and admittedly embarrassed, we turn to head back.

I’m still in shock, and Rachel jumps at stepping on a rock, and again at a dog surprising her. That was enough for the day.

To sum it up, we had snakes above us, spiders below us, sharks to our right, and crocodiles to our left, all while driving a shit box manual with screechy breaks, that nearly rejected third gear while driving all over a mountain. Sounds like Australia. We had to laugh. We crack up all the way back to the car, and drive back to our hostel. We park, grab a much needed beer, and have free dinner by the hostel. My right ear has been hurting all day from diving yesterday. I had trouble equalizing, and I shouldn't have forced it- I know better. Hoping to avoid an ear infection, we go out for tea. I take a hot shower, pop NyQuil, and wear grandpa’s blue beanie to bed in hopes of feeling better in the AM. I even took some vitamin C pills from Rachel, but I’m anticipating a doctors visit tomorrow after my plane back to Sydney.

Despite my ear giving me trouble, Australia has been nothing but a full-scale adventure for the past two days! You’re life is threatened at every corner, and I’m living my best dark comedy fantasy!

P.S. Dad, I found a Swedish shop here!!

-eM